Scary Story
by Tera
Summary: The gang of FF8 stumble onto a haunted mansion that has more surpriese than they ever expected...
1. Default Chapter Title

Scary Story

It was a cold, dark, scary, spooky and just plain less than desirable night. Seven figures could be seen driving in the ultra-posh car that by the way was a very cute convertible. The sky screamed with fury, originating from thunder and lightning that unnaturally illuminated the darkness. The dirt road was bumpy, filled with hills and stuff and seemed far too narrow and if Mr. Safetyman he probably would have objected. They sat uncomfortably in the convertible because as every person knows a convertible cannot possibly fit seven people in it comfortably. Quistis sat on Seifer's lap with his arms around her waist, Selphie on Irvine's lap; Zell on Squall's lap and Rinoa drove the car that her father had bought her last summer. 

Zell: Squall why are we going to this big, dark, scary old, spooky and just plain less than desirable house, again?

Squall (looking at Rinoa longingly): I don't know, some weird voice called mentioning something about dying and as the COMMANDER I thought we should check it out.

Quistis: I don't like the looks of this Squall, are you sure we should be coming here if they mentioned death?

Seifer: Are you scared Quistis? Don't worry I'll protect you, but I might have to hurt you a little first…

Seifer pinches her ass and Quistis slaps him.

Quistis: Someone please tell me why I had to sit on HIS lap!

Irvine: 'Cause you refused to sit on mine and Squall couldn't support ya (he is only 5'8"), and Rinoa objected anyway. 

Rinoa (looking blankly): No I didn't. Whatever do ya mean?

Selphie: Oh well, Irvine is kinda like a gentleman, well at least he's better than Seifer…

Seifer: Ya right, the stupid cowboy that wear's Chaps! Hey I'm a hottie, have you not noticed I don't have to take this shit! And Rinoa didn't seem to mind! 

Rinoa (looking guilty): …no.

Squall: What the hell happened between you to!?

Seifer: Nothin' except let's just say Rinoa got down!

Quistis: Excuse me children may be reading this.

Squall: WTF!!!!!!!

Rinoa: No…. But it's not like you'll even touch me….

They pull up to the big spooky mansion (just imagine Ultimecia's castle except on a really big spooky hill)

Quistis: I guess this is it.

Selphie: Ultimecia…

Squall: No, we're not going to fight Ultimecia again.

Selphie: Whoops my bad!

They enter the weird mangled gargoyle wannabe door and hear an evil cackle… Rinoa and Selphie shiver, while Quistis laughs loudly as Seifer whispers something into her ear. Squall pulls out his gunblade and Zell grabs hold of Squall and shrieks like a little girl. Irvine straitens his cowboy's hat and smiles his oh-so cute smile for all the girls in the audience. The house's interior looks exactly like that of the House on Haunted Hill and the Haunting combined. (Basically a big creepy stairwell with a matted carpet, lots o gargoyles, creepy little naked cherub babies sculptures around and then finally a big scary basement.)

Weird eccentric millionaire type guy: Ah, finally the guests have arrived! Everything is going as planned, welcome, welcome all!

Seifer: And who the hell are you?

Squall in an effort to not look like Seifer is the leader: What do you want? 

Weird eccentric millionaire type guy: Me, I'm only the owner of the largest chocobo farms in the world! I'm Mr. Gill! And I'm only offering you young people the chance of a lifetime! 

Zell: Whoa Dude! Like what are ya gonna offer us I mean you're like hella rich, like right?

Quistis: But, aren't chocobo's found in forests, not on farms. 

Mr. Gill: Hahah that's what they would like you to think! No, no my very gorgeous friend. We produce them on the farms and distribute them around the world so people have to ketch them. That way we can hire that damn annoying chocobo boy to charge people money for lectures or to ketch one for you. We also sell them direct to a number of businesses. 

Selphie: And those being…?

Mr. Gill: Never mind! Stop asking questions already! There isn't time to waist!

Irvine: So are you gonna explain why in the world we're here and why Squall's been acting so weird?

Squall: ….

Mr. Gill: All in good time. Anyway I called you here because I'm gonna die soon and I need someone to leave my enormous estate to. Well since my family sucks and hasn't even attempted to kiss up to me I figured I would invite all my closest friends here and we would write out a will.

Zell: But we're not your friends.

Selphie: Zell!

Zell: But it's true!

Seifer under his breath: Stupid Chicken-Wuss…

Zell: Hey I heard that!

Seifer: Whatever.

Irvine: Hehe you sound like Squall! Now only if you wore a short leather jacket with a fur ring and grew out your hair…

Seifer: Shut your damn mouth!

Rinoa: Wow! He's right I can see the resemblance.

Squall under his breath: Grrr die Rinoa…

Rinoa: What was that, dear?

Squall: …Nothing…

Seifer: Hahah you're afraid of Rinoa!

Rinoa with her newfound sorceress powers zaps him with a thundaga.

Seifer: Owwwww owww hey what the hell you do that for! Jeez woman is it that time of the month!?

Rinoa: What did I ever see in you? 

Mr. Gill: Anyway…

Seifer: I am a hottie!

Squall: Yeah you are! 

Rinoa: What the hell!?

Squall: Err sorry, dear.

Selphie: Heheh he is kinda cute…

Irvine: Ho boy, not this again.

Mr. Gill: Like I was saying…

Zell: Well yeah I mean Seifer's hair…eyes…

Seifer: See everybody agrees!

Quistis: I don't.

Seifer: Well nobody cares about you.

Irvine: I don't know she is like the hottest one out of the group…

Selphie slaps Irvine.

Mr. Gill: Hello!

Irvine: But, you're pretty cute, Selphie!

Selphie slaps Irvine again.

Mr. Gill: AHHHHH! 

Suddenly the glass mural thing above the group crashes down and it almost hits Mr. Gill.

Selphie: Whee! This is sooo frea-ky!

Rinoa: Squall…you'll protect me right?

Squall: Sure dear, right after I'm through with Seifer and…

Rinoa: WHAT!? 

Mr. Gill: Hey I just almost was killed!

Irvine: Hmm. Yeah too bad about that…

Mr. Gill: Young man you will not speak to me like that! Finally getting back to everything my friends are not here for some reason and instead I'm stuck with you people. But, the truth was I wasn't gonna make a will anyway. Instead I was gonna have them slowly killed off and the one that survived gets all my money.

Rinoa: You love me, right Squall!?

Squall: Sure, dear.

Rinoa hugs Squall while he just stands there.

Quistis about to puke: Somebody help me…

Seifer: I'll help you, but it's gonna cost you.

Quistis whispering: How much? 

Seifer whispering: Just 1000 gill for one night to pretend I'm your boyfriend.

Mr. Gill: Did anybody just hear what I said? Stupid Teenagers… 

Zell: That your gonna give us all money in the morning. Sounds great to me!

Selphie: Yeah, I'm in!

Seifer: Let the fun begin.

Squall: ….

Rinoa: Sure sounds great!

Irvine: Yeah I can quit SeeD after this!

Quistis: Umm no I think I'm going to leave now.

Quistis walks to the door and tries it, but guess what! It's locked and won't open!

Mr. Gill: Oooo sorry about that one the doors around here are really old, they get stuck sometimes. Well I guess you'll be staying the night as well!

Quistis: No, there has to be some other way.

Mr. Gill: Sorry didn't hear that because I didn't want to! Well I'll leave you kids to be shown to your rooms by Marie.

Mr. Gill points to a maid that suddenly appears.

Mr. Gill: Good luck! And don't die on me too fast!

Everybody stares at each other, but reluctantly follow Marie.

#### Author's Note: Well this is only the first part unfourtuantly there's gonna be more heheh. So as you can tell I ripped off a bunch of movies on purpose. Anyway I hoped you enjoyed! Reviews please!?? 

#### Disclaimer: Yeah I don't own the movies I ripped off or FF8.


	2. Default Chapter Title

Scary Story: Madness I Tell You Madness!

When we last saw everybody (well at least what I like to call the 'main gang.') They were quite confused as to what was going on. Seifer was still a sexy bitch, but it seemed as if something had gone terribly wrong with Squall. And who was Mr. Gill, just some rich, eccentric, millionaire type guy or something else? Well you're reading this to find out and if the house is haunted (I can't wait either heheh.) So without further ado the 'main gang' is walking up the freaky stairs with Marie as their only guide.

Zell (following close to Marie and shaking in his boots): U-m-mm is there any goblins or ghosts or boggy men here…?

Marie (smiling wickedly): Of course not silly, maybe a mass murder or too, but there's no such thing as ghosts.

Everybody looks at her strangely and then continues to stare at the house as they walk down the spooky halls.

Seifer: Hey, are we ever gonna get there because I really would like to get my grove on sometime this night!

Quistis: And what grove would that be? 

Selphie: Probably the bathroom kind.

Everybody laughs.

Seifer: Hey was I talking to you? 

Rinoa (yawning): Yeah, I'm kinda tired…Are you tired, honey?

Squall (oblivious to everything): Not really.

Irvine (shaking his head): Dude, you are way too thick for your own good…

Quistis: ***cough*** slut.

Marie (stopping at a big door): Well we're here, so who's gonna get this room?

Seifer: I call Quistis!

Quistis: Wait, a minute I never said-

Irvine (snapping his fingers in frustration): Damn that means I get Selphie.

Selphie (slapping Irvine): Fat chance you will! 

Rinoa: …Squall.

Squall: Oh yeah, Rinoa…

Zell: Bu-bu-but what about me?

Marie: Anyway you need to decide who gets this room.

Seifer: Come on Quistis, this is our stop.

Quistis: Excuse I never-

Seifer: Come on, women get your ass in there.

Quistis: Nobody speaks to me that-

Seifer: Come on!

Quistis (looking around in till she sees Zell): I can't Seifer because I'm with…Zell! Yeah that's it!

Zell perks up at the mentioning of his name and Quistis hugs him.

Marie: Then than that's settled. Here's the key to your room. And these are for the rest of you. You'll find a room inside somewhere. Oh and the master told me to tell you all to meet him down for dinner. 

* * * *

A few minutes later everybody is dressed for dinner, except Quistis who decided to take a shower. She has carefully locked the door and shut even the windows, but still worries somehow. Peacefully she applies the shampoo that she "borrowed" from Squall's room hoping that it's the same one that makes his hair so shinny. The bottle says rinse and repeat and she has just rinsed. Brittany Spears' lucky is blaring on the radio, but unknown to Quistis a dark figure is in her room and is closing in on the bathroom. 

"Hyne, I bet Rinoa likes this song…" But Squall wondering where his shampoo is scares the masked mass murderer before he could get to Quistis.

Squall (seeing the huge knife that the guy has): AHHHHH! 

The masked guy let's just call him "Masked weirdo" runs out as quickly as he came.

Quistis (pulling a towel around herself): Excuse me, Squall.

Squall: Whoa, you're excused.

Quistis: What are you doing here? I thought I locked the door and I heard you scream.

Squall: Well I was just looking for my shampoo and the door was open…

Quistis: Sure and I'm the queen of the dammed.

Squall: Eeeks I thought Rinoa was.

Quistis: What? 

Squall: Nothing. Anyway I saw this masked Weird here but I frightened him off, that's who you heard screaming. He had this huge knife, it reminded me of that movie psycho.

* * * *

Okay so now everybody is ready and they're all downstairs waiting for Mr. Gill. Everybody is also thinking about how weird Squall is acting. 

Seifer: Screw this I'm going to explore! Anybody wanna come with?

Squall: Okay!

Rinoa: Yeah!

Seifer: Who said you was invited?

Rinoa: Bu-bu-but can't I come?

Zell: I'll come!

Seifer: Sure, and Selphie how about you?

Selphie: Whee! 

Rinoa: I wanna go though!

Seifer: But, you can't so there. How about you my lovely Quistis…Care to join us for some thrills and chills? Heheheh.

Quistis: No, I think I'll stay with Rinoa, knowing this place she's bound to end up in trouble.

Rinoa: Hey! I may not be a SeeD but I can take care of my self! This isn't a game!

Irvine: Who ever said it was a game?

Rinoa: But that's my line!

Zell: Now I'm really confused!

Seifer: Never mind come Squall and Quistis.

Quistis: I'm not going.

Seifer: Fine, but you'll think differently later…

Irvine: I guess I'll stay here to watch the women. 

Rinoa and Quistis give him a look.

Irvine: What–ever I'll stay here. 

* * * *

Zell marveled at the creepiness of the halls he walking in, they were dark, lined with cherub babies and he swore her heard music, the creepy scary kind that you knew something was going to happen. Seifer walked with Squall, and Zell with Selphie. He was trying to get closer to Selphie but to no avail. 

Squall: It's cold…

Seifer: Oooo maybe we should go somewhere warm…

Seifer: Squall… 

Squall: Rinoa… 

Zell: Whoa you're here too?

Selphie: OMG I totally didn't notice you, hey wait what's that?!

Everybody stops to see a figure in the halls. It's very pale, almost translucent and seems to float across the floor, quickly it turns around for one glimpse of a face. The thing seems to beckon to you do you follow it? If so scroll down to part one and if not to part two.

**~PART ONE~**

You follow the figure very carefully, staying a few feet back from it. It doesn't notice you and instead continues to sway across the halls. But, now there's a door and you figure if you've some this far you might as well follow it into the room. The women turned around again and quickly her finger came to her lips, shhh she said in a low voice. You follow her in and the room is lavishly decorated. It doesn't seem to fit into the decrepit mansion at all instead it looks new and wonderful. There are pictures in the room and you notice they appear to be of a woman with long brown hair, to her shoulders and a friendly smile.

Lady: There is evil here, you have to leave now or else die.

You nod and Squall looks on like he knows her.

Squall: …Mother…

Raine: Yes. 

Seifer: …Loser!

Selphie: Aren't you dead or like something?

Zell: Yeah I say we kill it!

Quistis: What in the world?

Raine: Please…leave, I can't stay and it's here it knows I'm here, she knows I'm here…

She disappears and suddenly the room starts closing in…and you fall into a time warp and up where you started mwhahahaha this story sucks! 

^ 

^

^ 

^ 

^ 

^

^

^

^

^ 

^ 

^

**~PART TWO~**

Okay so the ghost disappears if you don't follow it! And it looked like Raine, but who cares cause you didn't follow it!

Selphie: Frea-ky 

Zell: So…Selphie.

Seifer: Ah the author is out of ideas and its really late at night so… 

Squall: …Mother…

Seifer: … Loser!

Selphie: Aren't you dead or like something?

Zell: Yeah I say we kill it!

A time warp opens up and you're brought to the choices again mwhahah scroll up to chose again in till you finally figure out that it's just going to repeat it's self forever.

* * * *

Okay well so we finally get some carnage tee-hee! Quistis and Irvine and Rinoa are still waiting for Mr.Gill, who has yet to show up.

Rinoa: Where is he!?

Quistis: I'm sure any minute.

Irvine: Don't worry I'll protect you all.

Rinoa: Hey isn't that a dead body?

They look on to see Mr. Gill dead with a big slash through his chest from a big knife.

Quistis: Maybe Squall was right…

But, right behind them is the masked weirdo.

**Too be continued unfortunately… **

** **

**Author's note: **This was so lame, but don't blame me I jut wanted to kill somebody and spoof on those damn chose your own adventure books. Lol oh well maybe the next one will come out sooner and be better.

**Disclaimer: **Damn and now Mr. Gill is dead, well I own Marie that's gotta count for something, right? Oh well I don't own FF8.


	3. Default Chapter Title

Scary Story: WTF!???

By: Elle

Well haven't really finished this…and it's late at night so WHATEVER! Yeah Pepsi! Anyway when we last saw Rinoa, Irvine and Quistis they were all horrified (okay not really but they were scared for their lives gosh darnet!) because Mr. Gill was murdered. And our favorite masked wacko is creeping around behind them, frea-ky! Or at least they think Mr. Gill is dead.

Mr. Gill (all bloody and gross because he was stabbed repeatedly and of course is dying): I-I-I'm sorry tha that I your gonna die…he kill you…and make you dead…and slice you up…and fry you…and eat you…and digest you…and then poop you out…sor- sorry…

With that he was dead, wipe away a tear now dear reader. 

Rinoa: Ewww it stinks!

Quistis (thinking she should be sad because she is everyone's angel): Rinoa, a man just died…

Irvine: Yeah, a rich one at that! C'mon all let's strip him down naked and find his fortune!

Rinoa and Quistis stare at him.

Irvine: What? How did you guys mug a dead guy in Balamb? 

Quistis: …We didn't.

Rinoa: Yeah, I just asked guys for money and they gave it to me…

Irvine's eyes light up. 

Irvine: OMG! Here, help me get his shoes off, hehehe this is gonna take us a while with all these fancy clothes he got!

Quistis: Great... I have a whore and a hick that just found a dead body in my squad.

Rinoa: I am NOT a whore!

Quistis: Just take the not out and you would have it right…

Rinoa: Whatever then, I am a whore!

Quistis and Irvine laugh.

Irvine: Oh yea, I ain't no hick, ummkay. I jes' like some cowboy thangs. 

Rinoa: Yeah and it's not like your any Angel yourself Ms. Pedophile!

Quistis: I did NOT at any times have sex with any of my students!

Rinoa: But, you WISH you did with Squall, you WISH he took your flower!

Rinoa holds up a note with Quistis' handwriting. 

Quistis: Give that to me!

Rinoa: Hell no! Hehehe I bet Seifer will just LOVE to see this! 

Irvine: Mmmm I reckon I smell myself a cat fight!

Rinoa: Shut up, hick!

Irvine: Feisty, ooo I like them feisty! 

* * * * 

Meanwhile Zell, Selphie, Seifer and Squall are really pissed from that whole time warp business. 

Seifer: Dammit Squall I told you to run from the ghost! So what if it's your Hyne dammed bitch hoe mom, I'm tired and need an ample supply of lovin' fast! Hell Selphie is lookin' good! 

Squall: …loving?

Zell: Whoa? Did I just hear someone say that they would give me lovin' because Squall you know I don't swing THAT way, well not sober at least…

Selphie: What's sober mean?

Zell: Hmm come to think of it I doubt I know what it means either, hehehe and I know what a Pearl Necklace is!

Selphie: Huh?

Zell: Your virgin ears would bleed!

Squall: …Mother…

Seifer: Oh hell no, we are not going through this again!

Suddenly out of no where Fujin and Raijin show up and scare the ghost away!

Fujin: DAMN!

Raijin: Yea, y'know bet we could've been rich if we got that on tape y'know! 

Zell: WTF are you guys doing here???

Fujin: MONEY.

Raijin: Well ya know Seifer spent all out money ya know so we figured that if we got a real ghost on tape we could sell it, ya know? 

Fujin: SAFE.

Raijin: Ya, she was worried 'bout you Seifer, kicked me really good to come here!

Seifer: Hahah wish she would kick Squally boy's ass!

Fujin kicks Squall's ass and he wimpers in pain.

Squall: WTF was that for???

Raijin: Never mind! Whoa the Tilmitt girl is here, ya know. 

Selphie: So what if I am here?

Fujin: RAGE! 

Suddenly (because well nothing happens slowly or predictably) the masked weirdo comes by, then runs off dropping a piece of paper. Squall bends over to pick it up.

* * * * 

Since we last saw Irvine, Rinoa and Quistis, Rinoa and Quistis had given Irvine a good beating and a lecture how all women were better then men. 

Irvine: Does that mean you neither of you would like to hop on the randy foot and do the shimmy shimmy with me?

Rinoa: I don't even know what that means.

Quistis: Damn hicks…

Irvine: What was that, Quistis?

Rinoa: Damn pedophiles…

Quistis: Nothing, damn whores…

Rinoa: You know I think we should just go to bed!

Irvine: Ooo I wouldn't mind that at all!

Quistis: Not with you hick!

Irvine: Was I talking to you pedophile?

Quistis: Well I guess if you were talking to THE whore then I guess not!

Rinoa: Quistis, Quistis, just because you can't get any guys don't take it out on me, I'm innocent in all of this! 

Quistis: Yeah, your just highly "suggestive," my ass…

Irvine: And what a sweet one it is!

Rinoa: This sounds a lot like One Fantasy to Live, ya know…

Quistis: Just go to bed whore, at least in this one I haven't slept with Irvine yet.

They all depart upstairs to go to bed, Irvine runs back to the dead body of Mr. Gill to find his "treasure."

* * * * 

So because Squall found the note he's reading it out loud lol OMG this totally doesn't get predictable. "Dear Mr. Sexy Bitch-"

Seifer: Hey! It's addressed to me! Give me that poser, yeah you wish you could be the sexy bitch, but you can't!

Squall: ….

Seifer takes the paper away from Squall who stares at him blankly.

Fujin (under her breath but I really don't know how that's possible since she speaks in all caps lol): MY, BITCH!

Raijin (because they are telepathically linked lol again): You wish! 

Seifer: Excuse you!

Raijin: Ya, ya know don't know what came over me ya know…

Seifer: Anyway, ***cough*** 

Dear Mr. Sexy Bitch, __

I am the crazed wacko/crazed weirdo, mwhahahahah! Anyway I just had to do that 'cause I can and all 'cause I'm evil and all mwhahahah! Getting to my point I am a BIG admirer and would like to know if you would like to join me for a candle light dinner… Please write back, my heart shall be broken if you don't and I don't know what I would do. Actually I would probably kill you and all your friends, but please my love…

-Your Love, __

Crazed weird/crazed wacko who will kill you…and make you dead…and slice you up…and fry you…and eat you…and digest you…and then poop you out…sor- sorry…

Selphie: Awww how sweet! Seifer's got a secret admirer! OMG I know exactly what you should wear! Oh and I can do your hair and-

Raijin: AH shut it up ya know!

Fujin: KILL!

Zell: ***snif* **wish someone would love me ya know…

Selphie: Doesn't the girl in the pigtails love ya, Zell? What's her name anyway?

Zell: ***snif*** I don't know…

Seifer: Ah yeah I knew it all along, Quistis LOVES me!

Squall: Are you so sure? Maybe it's somebody else…

Seifer: Shut up, fruity boy, you're just jealous 'cause your fruity and ended up with THE whore!

Seifer: Hey, hey by this it sounds like she wants to like you know…

Raijin: Make the babies, ya know?

Fujin: HOE.

#### To be continued…

****

Spoiler: So what will happen? You want to know? You REALLY wanna know? Well do ya, do ya really??? Yeah I bet you do!!!! Do do do do do! Okay well you'll find out next time! Yup, what will happen when Quistis, Irvine, and Rinoa go to bed, or who is Seifer's secret admirer/ Crazed weird/crazed wacko who will kill you…and make you dead…and slice you up…and fry you…and eat you…and digest you…and then poop you out…sor- sorry… Anyway don't worry the next part wont take so long, I hope I just have school and a web site to keep me busy and crap oh yeah and then there is that thing called a life and friends which keep pulling me off the comp. Darn! That's all the time we have fokes, do do do do do and crap!

****

Author's note: Lol the reason it's kinda short is because I did it all on one night when I still had inspiration, it makes them better that way!

****

Disclaimer: Yeah I own them, every damn one of 'em I own! Mmhmm you know it, now waist your time and sue my ass, or please don't because I just try to be funny!

****


	4. Default Chapter Title

Scary Story: That's PIMP, totally PIMP man!

By: THE one and ONLY Elle

HOE, was the last word uttered from her pale lips, well Fujin's that is. It seemed that a whole bunch of weird freaky clichéd garbage was going on and because of that nobody had a clue. There were weird spoofs on psycho, choose your own adventure stories, ghosts, murder and masked weirdo's along with FF8 characters and Pepsi. SO since these take so long I always offer a nice recap. Irvine and the ladies are up stairs while Seifer meets up with Crazed weirdo/crazed wacko who will kill you…and make you dead…and slice you up…and fry you…and eat you…and digest you…and then poop you out…sor- sorry…

Seifer (staring at himself in the mirror): I look so hot that I think I'm gonna burn a whole through the floor, m'm m'm, I should charge people to look at me I'm such a sexy thing. I don't know how Quistis can't keep her hands off of me…

He turns around when he hears a knock on the door and Zell enters jumping around madly and crossing his legs.

Zell: Are you ready YET??? 

Seifer: Calm down chicken shit the Christina Ugulara picture is waiting for you I just have to find a way to suppress my sexiness so Quistis wont jump me there!

Zell: No, actually I was looking for the Booby Spears one, you know the one from the MTV video awards, OMG I could split her in two!

Suddenly there is another knock on the door and Selphie enters.

Selphie: Did I just hear someone say Booby Spears!? OMG she has soooooo much talent, she's my idol I wanna be just like her when I grow up!

Seifer: And that will happen…

Then there's another knock and Squall comes in.

Squall: ….

Seifer: Oh great the party just couldn't be complete without Squall.

Zell: WHOA! There's a party, where?!

Selphie: I wanna come too!

Seifer sighs at how stupid they are, but at the same time forgets how much money he could make off them by selling them off as teen actors.

Seifer: There is no party dumb ass. 

Selphie: OR do you just wanna exclude us like always!

Another knock comes at the door and Fujin and Raijin come in.

Raijin: Fujin has to uh, to uh (she kicks him) go to the lil girl's room, ya know!

Fujin: OUT!

Seifer: NO, I'm not done yet and it always smells funny after you use it so I'm not getting out!

Selphie noticing that people are arguing so she must fix that and make things happy again: WHY don't' we play Bloody Marry!

Zell shaking: But Bloody Marry will get me…

Squall (under his breath): Not if I kill you first… 

Fujin: WHAT?

Raijin: Yo let's play ya know! 

Selphie: Okay I'll start, and if Pig shit wants to get out of here he'll have to do it now!

Zell: That's CHICKEN WUSS to you!

Seifer: We'll only warn you once Pig Shit. 

Selphie turns off the light and locks the door before Zell can get out and chants bloody Marry spinning around in her best ghost chanting way. Something appears on the mirror…

_I will kill you all…_

_And make you dead…_

_And slice you up…_

_And fry you…_

_And eat you…_

_And digest you…_

_And then poop you out…sor- sorry…_

Zell (jumping into Seifer's arms): AHHHHH, EKKS SAVE ME YOU BIG STRONG MAN!

Selphie: OMG that is like so over done!

Seifer (dropping Zell of course): Ahhh Quistis is so sweet…

Raijin: WTF man, what is sweet about her going to kill us all!?

Squall: Or the fact that she has nothing with this and there actually is a crazed phyco out to kill us all.

Seifer: Oh yeah and this is one of those teen movies, wow I guess we know who the commander is around here…

* * * *

Meanwhile Irvine was looking over his "treasure" a.k.a. Mr. Gill's pants, pocket watch, a key, note, and gun and assorted items. He had them spread out on a bed; Quistis and Rinoa were in the other room.

Irvine (drooling): Ahhhh, sweet "treasure," oooo what's this my pick pockety hands have fond? A key, a key to what and a note, a note about what? 

Irvine ponders all this for a while, I mean come on a note, and whatever could a note and key infer? 

Ten minutes later…

Irvine (looking exhausted and sweating): Eureka!

Rinoa and Quistis come running in.

Rinoa: WOW a key, a key to what, a note, and a note about what?

Quistis: Oh brother…

Irvine: I think-I think I know who the killer is!

Just then as Irvine is about to reveal whom the killer is the masked weirdo runs in and kills him L

Quistis: Well that wasn't really funny. 

Rinoa (picking up Irvine's head): Can I have his hat?

Quistis: Of course not give me that, that's icky! (Quistis quickly deposits Irvine's body in the bathroom.)

Rinoa: Hyne, you're like no fun! 

Quistis: Yeah, well you have no brain!

Rinoa: Oh well…at least I'm gonna live…

Quistis: What?

Rinoa: I'm a virgin…and you're not.

Quistis (trying to contain her laughter): My ass!

Rinoa: Seriously, it has to be an act nobody is that boring and pure. 

Quistis: Hey where did the key and note go?!

* * * *

In a dark room, in a dark castle thing, lit with blood red candles- was where Seifer found himself. He smelled waaaaay too strong of after-shave and Selphie had brought her trusty camera along to document the whole thing.

Selphie: OMG I can't believe my 'lil Seifer is alllllll grown up! 

Seifer (checking himself out in the silverware): First off shrimp I'm not YOUR Seifer, second off get that thing away from me!

Squall: Are you sure you should be doing this?

Raijin: Though psychos are kinda kinky ya know in that homicidal way ya know J

Seifer: Sorry Squall we're just not meant to be I have to start my new life with Quistis!

Zell: But, that's not what-

Seifer: Shut your damn mouth Chicken-Shit!

Selphie (trying to put the camera on the tripod): EEEEEE! I wish Irvy were here he would help me!

Fujin: DITZ!

Seifer: Who knows, Mr. Hick could be dead by now…

::Scary Music plays::

Selphie: Well, well, well, well, well, well (stuttering) Quistis could be dead!

Fujin: YES!

Squall: And Rinoa could be dead too, but you don't see me dancing for joy now do you?

Seifer: That's enough! Everyone out!

Raijin: Well someone's PNSing!

Fujin: WHAT?

Raijin: Pre Nookie Syndrome, ya know!

* * * *

Rinoa: Oh here's the note! _Dear Ms. Sexy Bitch, _EEE! I think it's talking about me!

Quistis: Give me that!

Dear Ms. Sexy Bitch,

You have…THE…most loveliest blondish-red-yellow hair I have ever seen…and the prettiest sparkling blue ocean sky clearest eyes…like ever! I wish I could…split you in half!!!! Mm …mm and that…ASS, EEEE baby got…BACK! PLEASE be mine! I MADE A SHRINE OF FANTASY TO YOU!!!!!!!11 I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED…U! 

-some one crazy for…YOU!-

A.k.a. one of the crazy psychos/masked weirdo's

PS I…HATE RINOA THE WHORE!!!!!1

Rinoa (checking her hair): Bu-But I kinda have blonde hair and bluish eyes!

Quistis: Or…not! But, we better find out who this asshole is in Taebo double time! ALL MALE PIGS SHALL DIE!!!!!!!!!!!! Here Rinoa help me into this bunny costume, don't forget the bow tie ^_~ Hahaha this will get him good!

Rinoa: Wow you must really be a virgin!

Quistis (wearing her bunny costume, ears, bowtie, little black outfit, everything): Come, trusty whore sidekick we must save the day!

Rinoa: But don't I get a bunny costume?

* * * *

Selphie (sticking her head to the closed door): It's not fair! That's MY 'lil Seifer in there! Who knows what she has…

Raijin: Ya, it's a sad thing ya know. PNS claims the best of them, ya know.

(He cries)

Fujin: OKAY?

Raijin: Yeah, ya know I'm okay just give me a minute (he runs off.)

Zell (crying also): I bet he doesn't even remember last summer…

Fujin: WHAT?!

Zell: It was dark I was young…

Quistis (arriving in full costume): Hello, good, clean, moral, Hyne people! I trust you can show me where a certain pervert who wrote this is?

Everyone stares at her.

Selphie: WOW that is SUPER CUTE!

Zell (tongue on ground): That's PIMP man! Look at that that's PIMP!!! Move over Booby Spears!

Fujin: WHORE!

Rinoa: That's what I thought!

Squall: ……

Rinoa: Don't ask me, I'm just trusty whore sidekick.

Quistis: Though it appears that I am nothing more than your run-of-the-mill-two-cent-whore, I am actually part of WAM, women-against-men. This costume is just has adverse effects on men-perfect for my job because all perverts should die.

Squall: Well there is definitely a pervert in there.

Quistis: Thanks Commander you're one in a million! Come, trusty whore sidekick!

Rinoa: If you call me that one more time-

* * * *

The candles had been blown out when Quistis entered the dark room with her trusty whore sidekick. It was dark-too dark for her liking. Suddenly she heard a scream!

Rinoa: AHHHHHHHH green checker curtains with yellow walls!!!!!!!!

Quistis sighed and continued to walk around the dark room. Suddenly she tripped on something and fell over. She took out her trusty flashlight finally remembering that she had one and shined it on the thing she had tripped on-it was Seifer lying on his back, eyes shut like he was dead or something.

Quistis (cradling his body in her lap): NO! You poor thing, look what has happened to you! You're dead, just because of my coldness, my shyness and pride. I killed you! You could be alive, right now, you poor mistaken angel. Hyne! What can I do, someone help me!

Seifer smiled at this and enjoyed something that would never happen again probably. 

So while Quistis cried and hugged and kissed what she thought was Seifer's dead body no one could here the scream outside…

* * * *

Spoliers: So who's scream was it? Well you'll have to find out next time!

Author's note: Sorry this took so long and thanks to Nike Grrrrl for Bobby Spears and Christina Ugulara bits and loving this crazy stuff!

Disclaimer: Playboy bunnies belong to a dirty old man-not me. FF8 belongs to Square so long live Square-not playboy though because ewwwies. 


End file.
